Letting go

Letting go of anything can be painful; whether it’s letting go of someone you love, the career you longed for; or the life you had planned, it isn’t within our nature to have to let go or give in which is why I believe we always struggle.

When my youngest came along, I had to let go of the life I had planned, the life I had always believed would be mine and instead learn to follow the path that was chosen for me. For someone who likes to be in control, who likes routine and who doesn’t cope well with uncertainty this has been and still is one of my toughest challenges.

Shortly after his diagnosis someone shared ‘Welcome to Holland’ written by Emily Pearl Kingsley with me and even now when I am having a “moment”, I turn to this.

Letting go of everything I had planned was hard, and I won’t lie, I struggled, I sometimes still do, I didn’t want to be in Holland, I wanted Italy. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t mean that Holland wasn’t a truly wonderful place to be, it just wasn’t where I had expected to be.

For me letting go hurt, it caused an ache inside of me that even now still comes back, however, as time has passed I have learned to let go of the Italian dream and I have even faced the realisation that I almost certainly never had a ticket for Italy and I was always destined for Holland.

Letting go has allowed me to enjoy life again, to be able to enjoy the path that I am on, to enjoy time with my children, I am taking in all Holland has to offer me, the sights, the beautiful smells and tastes and I am even learning to embrace the bad that just so happens to come with it.

No destination is perfect, not all the time, nothing in life is perfect, life is about letting go of the idea of perfect and finding happiness in what is on offer not dwelling on what could have been.

Life can change in a second, for anyone, without warning, without a care for your feelings. In one moment everything can change, learn to let go of that ideal, accept and embrace the destination you find yourself heading towards, it may not be Italy but it can be every bit as beautiful and you can be every bit as happy.